Unworthy of Love, but given so much.

There's not much to write. I work full time now for a little bit and I'm grateful for the extra cash! I've decided to celebrate Lent this season by giving up some foods, and we're buying a friend's car. It's a 94 Buick in pretty perfect condition, much better anyway than our '00 Ford Focus. It will last at least another few years, if not more. And it will be nice to have that backup once the Focus' wheels are falling off.

I need a haircut. I'll never go back to short hair, but now that it's long and I've been growing it, my head looks like the split end motel. They need to get cut off now!

Living with Nonna is going alright. I guess what it comes down to is we're family, and family does two things regularly. 1. Gets on each other's nerves and 2. fights. Can't be helped, although I've learned the smile and nod trick this week, and it's working well for me.

Saturday I'm getting my Spa day! I get a detox mud wrap, a massage, and a facial. Kevin snuck money out of our account for months to pay for it. Smart man! He knew if he took out a lump sum I'd see it (I do our finances.) I'm so excited!

I'm exhausted. There's drama on the horizon at work, but it comes with a double pay increase for me, so the drama is *almost* worth it.

Nonna has been particularly in a bad mood and I'm beginning to think it's unhealthy for me to be around. She led an abusive pain filled life and she's become a bitter old woman who loves to verbally abuse others. I don't think she does it on purpose, I think the words come out because of how much pain is stored up inside of her. I'm just wondering how long Kev and I can live here, taking care of her, and have it not affect us in a real way. I dream daily about putting her in a home and getting our own house or apartment once more. But then the logical part of me says this is the right thing to do. Why is doing the right thing so blinging hard?

Why am I surrounded by crazies? I just want a normal, only semi dysfunctional family. Bah!!!!

If you're interested in hearing about my weight loss trials, tribulations, and victories, I have a new journal. You can go there and friend me. I don't particularly want to spill about it here, because it can be mundane, and I'm sure not everyone wants to hear about it. But I still want to document it.

beau_corps

The entries there are friends only, so you'll have to friend me to see them.

I had one of those rare, lovely, and perfect weekends. It started out with a ministry event at our church that I can only explain to all who read this as an intense weekend of therapy and worship. We talk about unforgivensss, regrets, mother/father wounds etc. Our executive pastor of freedom ministry had his own counseling practice for years before ever becoming a pastor, and so I'm sure that factors in and I believe it's one reason our church is so healthy and why there is such a focus on freedom and mental health. It was amazing, and I confronted alot of truths about myself.

Friday was filled with good food and dinner with one of my best friends. And Saturday I skipped the end of the conference in favor of lazing about in bed with Kevin ;-). We then proceeded to clean out the garage, go to Lowe's, eat amazing Thai food, and come back to crash and watch Julie and Julia, which I recommend to anyone. It's a movie I'd love to own.

Sunday we worked a bit more on the house and I made a big lasagna for Sunday dinner, to which I got the crowning compliment of my culinary life, where even Nonna had to admit my lasagna was better than hers! It's silly, but I got alot of gratification in that. The movie the night before got me in a cooking mood, and so on top of the fabulous lasagna, I canned my own Spaghetti sauce. It's my nonna's recipe that I adapted, and it's the best sauce I've ever had, and so with Kevin's help (who is a master canner, his mom taught him) we canned two gallons of sauce.

These weekends don't happen often, weekends where there's little to do, and much to enjoy, and I just really enjoy spending time with Kevin in general. We're at a sweet spot lately, and I'm loving it.

And now, to scrounge for dinner while bored at work. Toodloo!

So I'm sitting here sampling my amazing "Chocolate Secrets" Chocolate that was a birthday gift from Kat. I chose to eat the purple one because it looked pretty, and I love white chocolate and lavender. For those that have not visited Chocolate Secrets, go now! It's in Dallas, and they also serve kick butt crepes and at night it turns into a Jazz cafe. My favorite drink is their hot chocolate with chilli in it.

So savoring my chocolate moursel got me to thinking. I can never remember a time in my life, except now, where I've had a relatively good relationship with food. Growing up it was misued and I often ate emotionally to the point of making myself sick. It was no longer about enjoying the food set in front of me, but about trying to fill the voids in my life with it. In essence, food became an addiction, but an addiction far worse than alcohol or smoking, or even drugs. Someone who is addicted to food has to constantly be exposed to it, making it *that much* harder to abstain and not overeat. At least smokers, druggies, and alcoholics can choose not to be around those things, and you don't need them to sustain life. It's a whole new ball game with food, and it only takes one look at the infamous 1,000lb man to realize that food addiction is deadly, lifechanging, and even if you over come it, it has side effects. Even if that 1,000lb man loses weight, think of all the surgeries and procedures he'll have to endure to get the extra skin off.

For the past few days, I've been experimenting with changing both my diet and my mindset. A)I cut out most carbs because let's face it, I'm totally addicted, and B)I've been trying to let myself have what I want, other than carbs, in small healthy amounts so that I don't feel deprived. Hence eating a glorious piece of gourmet chocolate. I'll eventually add pasta and bread back in (the gluten free kind that is), but it's like quitting any addiction. I have to seperate myself from it so my body no longer craves it, and so that I learn new ways of dealing with difficult emotions besides turning to food.

I admire the French way of eating, and that's where I'm trying to get my attitude towards food to head. I like that they absolutely love food, but that they are satisfied with much smaller portions of gourmet goodness. Anton Ego: I don't LIKE food. I LOVE it. If I don't love it, I don't SWALLOW. ~Ratatouille

So far, 10 more lbs down, and tons to go. But the weight loss isn't what I care about anymore. I just want to have a right relationship with food again.

If I could recommend any book to a person it would be "Culture of Honor." So good.

This is a day where I just want to be rid of my caretaking responsibilities and just sit in a hot bath or jacuzzi until I'm sufficiently pruned. *sigh*. Nonna's house needs a hot tub. I'd be taking advantage of that like woah.

Yesterday started out pretty normal. It was my birthday and like every saturday, we slept in. Then I headed to a late lunch with my mom and brother. Halfway through the lunch, Kevin calls in a panic. "Nonna's going crazy!" I can hear crashing, banging, and yelling in the background and can only think "here it comes." I try to get her on the phone but she only errupts into an Italian monologue on why and how we neglect her, don't do anything for her etc. I decide we need to go home.

When I think "Why is she acting out so much" it finally occurs to me that she's out of her Cymbalta and has been for a day or so. I go pick up her prescription which the pharmacist has graciously let me have even without the doctors consent and head home.

When I get there it all comes together that she's mad because we're out of pasta. I get her calmed down and ask her if it seems just a bit silly to be mad over pasta, and for the love of God, why she didn't call me to let me know so I could run by wal-mart. "That's why I have a cell phone," I tell her. She nods, finally calm, and I go to speak with Kevin who tells me she was screaming and crying. Frankly, I was glad I missed the worst of it. But I know she's prone to her fits. I think she's undiagnosed bi polar. Mom says she was like that younger too, that everyonce in awhile she'd fly off the handle. She apparently punched a total stranger once. Go figure.

Finally the party I planned for myself, heh, starts (and by party I mean a bit of wine and some board games). Loved being with good friends and hanging out, but after nonna's freak out all I really wanted was a few glasses of wine and a backrub and to collapse in a heavenly scalding hot bath with bubbles. So to all who were there, if I wasn't myself, that's why.

Today nonna apologized for being a bit crazy but blamed it on eating eggs. Apparently eggs make her crazy?

I guess this is what life is when you live with a crazy bipolar 84 year old Italian woman. I have compassion on her, I do. I get why she's upset, I mean it must be hard to have to give up your independence. But Jesus. I need wine.

While I sit and type this women, children, and many men are still trapped under rubble. They're probably wondering if anyone will come find them, their minds reeling at the reality that they might die under that collapsed building.

While I sit here in my air conditioned and heated home, thousands upon thousands lay in the streets, wounded, unable to get to sufficient medical care. They will probably die from septicemia from their untreated wounds in a few days.

While I type on my fancy computer with high speed internet thousands of people are trying to find any sign of life, calling, texting, trying to find out if their family is dead or alive and who is missing in action.

As I feed my animals and get ready for bed, I'm aware of how many are without food and without hope.

And as I hug my husband goodnight I realize that many people's arms are empty tonight, their loved ones missing or dead. And I hold him a bit tighter.

My heart breaks for Haiti. And yet my grief is nothing compared to the cry coming out of her. Haiti, a land poorer than many of us know, a land already suffering, suffers more. How much more Lord?

Sundays are by far my favorite days. Today was a typical lazy sunday filled with late rising, card games in the early morning sunlight, making breakfast, more lazing around, and football. I've yet to get out of my pj's and I'm content with that. The house is clean, nonna is happy, and Kevin is relaxing. This to me, is exactly what life should be like. I'm a happy wife.

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful
~Beautiful by Bethany Dillon

God is so good and so faithful. It's good to remember that.

Alright, having pregnant women all around me must be affecting my brain or something. For the past two weeks I've had awful morning sickness, and by that I mean nausea I cannot seem to get rid of and occasional vomiting (though I hate doing it!) So....the inevitable popped in my head. "Omg, what if I'm pregnant!?" I've gotten pregnant on the pill before, and miscarried, so I knew it was very possible I was again. But thankfully my test read a firm negative...it didn't even wait the two minutes to appear. It was immediate. *whew*

Of course Kevin was rooting that I was. I'm the worrier and planner in our family, and I know that right now, we can't do children. In a year or two, sure. But now? No. Financially, emotionally, mentally and physically I know I'm not ready.

The scare did do one thing, it solidified that I've GOT to GOT to get into shape. In my life group a woman my size got pregnant and you could barely tell that from her...full figured look, not to mention it made her life a nightmare. She had high blood pressure, gestational diabetes. Plus I'd love to be a skinny minny with a basketball belly. I think that's adorable.

So I reactivated my 24 hour fitness account and am heading to the gym daily....even if I hurt.

Christmas shopping is DONNNNE! I'm so proud of myself for the gifts I got...they are thoughtful and totally atune to the personalities of the giftee. Hurrah!

Kevin's still gone. I hate it! I abhor sleeping alone. If he ever died before me I'd have to get a very large dog to sleep next to me. I just hate sleeping alone.

I've had a headache for the better part now of four days....does it even qualify as a headache anymore? I power through it and try to be normal, but it's worst in the mornings and it's hard to be normal when your head feels like it will explode any second.

I took two sanity days off work because of this. I just couldn't go in a deal with things or look at a computer screen for longer than 30 minutes. Thank gooodness for sick day hours I've accrued. I need to use them up anyways. It's nice to get out of the house too for fresh air. The cold actually helps the headache just a bit. It's worst when I feel overheated....my nonna blows her heater high during winter months and it nauseates me to no end.

Oh, please headache, go away! I'm beggin' you!

Erin sent out an email earlier laughing about livejournal entries, and even though my stupid work filter blocked it, it got me to reading. I have since deleted my original livejournal "txchoirqt" years ago, but I lived vicariously through Erin's old entries, laughing at some of it, cringing at others, and crying at some of the more tender moments, like entries about our Italy trip. I have such fond memories of Erin making coffee as Patrick shaved and I plucked and primped for the day.

Like Erin, I noticed some things. For one, I had the loudest mouth in the south. In one of Erin's entries we got into a debate about how unprudent (is that a word?) I was with emotions, fights, and issues etc. I stirred up entirely too much drama, and boy was I dramatic! We all were. Erin, like you said, did we ever sleep?

This has led me on a total nostalgia fest tonight, looking back into my old xanga, and myspace. Even this journal, which I've at least had for two or more years.

All I have to say is thank God I have God in my life now. What a melodramatic, loud mouthed, angsty punk I used to be! God is so good, he's changed me in so many ways. Looking back, I've learned so much, the biggest of which is to put a lock on my journal. That's why those without LJ's cannot see my entries anymore. I still write daily. Something in me feels the need to document, to write, to ponder. But at least I know who's reading it. And now LJ has these beautiful things called "filters" which I use heavily. God bless 'em.

I think I've been inspired to finally get to a project that I've been meaning to do for awhile. I would love to make a scrapbook of high school photos. I'm an avid scrapbooker and I have tons of banquet, prom, and Italy trip photos that need a place to go. Anyone up for a nostalgia scrapbooking session?

In other news, Kevin got a raise. I'm so proud of him for that! He's grown up so much and I'm proud to be his Mrs!

What are your middle names?
Marie, Charles

How long have you been together?
four years married, five and a half together.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
a few months. He was in my music theory class.

Who asked whom out?
Neither. I was persuing his friend and so we'd all hang out but one day his friend couldn't come and we found each other on an accidental but very enjoyable date.

How old are each of you?
He's 26, I'm 24.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Definitely his brother, but I wish it were mine.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Finances, yuck!

Did you go to the same school?
Same college.

Are you from the same home town?
Yup, I'm from the GCISD area and he went to North Richland hills.

Who is smarter?
Definitely him.

Who is the most sensitive?
Definitely him. He's way more touchy feely

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Anywhere different, greek places, hole in the wall asian or indian places

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Italy

Who has the craziest exes?
Definitely me.

Who has the worst temper?
I'm Italian...so guess

Who does the cooking?
Kevin. He's an amazing cook. He doesn't need a recipe, he just throws things together and it comes out yummy!

Who is the neat-freak?
I'm OCD about cleaning

Who is more stubborn?
Me.

Who hogs the bed?
Me. I flail and kick.

Who wakes up earlier?
Neither. Both hate mornings

Where was your first date?
To Wendy's.....we were poor college students.

Who is more jealous?
Him.

How long did it take to get serious?
A week. Yes, we were engaged after a week...

Who eats more?
Definitely Kevin.

Who does the laundry?
Me. Kevin thinks the laundry magically does itself.

Who’s better with the computer?
Uh, Kevin. I can barely turn it on.

Who drives when you are together?
Me, because Kevin is a nutty driver with way more speeding tickets than I want to think about.

If tonight was anything like what living with nonna will be like, I'll take it.

We ordered pizza and I sat on her bed and talked with her. Then we went to the table, broke out a bottle of red vino, turned on some Italian tunes and ate. We poked fun at each other, lovingly of course and played Scala Quaranta (roman card game.) Nonna beat all of us!

It was serene. I danced while doing the dishes to the 50's music in the background and then it was time to go.

Maybe this won't be so bad. I don't know why but my nonna adores Kevin, and since her fall and recent recovery she's actually PLEASANT to be around.

Hm. And a great bible study. We've become a little rag tag motley crew of a family. It's great actually, different races, ages, walks. I rather like it this way. Huzzah!

And I want to go salsa dancing. Random thought, but I dooo.

I'm falling in love with uptown Dallas, it's quirky chic feel. If you haven't....go and see The Brothers Bloom at the Magnolia in Uptown Dallas. It has Rachel Weiss, Adrian Brody (sp?) and Mark Ruffalo. It's amazingness. Seriously.

http://www.cinematical.com/2009/05/15/review-the-brothers-bloom/

And I'm dying to see Whatever Works (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1178663/) too when it hits the Magnolia. If I could live anywhere it would be uptown. And the sushi at Tom Tom is amazing (considering I usually hate sushi.)

- you've had at least one relative who wore a
black dress every day for an entire year after a
funeral

- you spent your entire childhood thinking what
you ate for lunch was pronounced
"sangwich" HAHA to all those from High school who thought I was a wierdo for how I pronounced this. I am validated:-)

- your family dog understood Italian

- every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was
spent visiting your grandparents and mowing nonna's lawn

- you were surprised to discover that the FDA
recommends that you eat three balanced meals a
day, not seven

- you ate macaroni (pasta for the non-Italians)
for dinner at least four times a week

- you grew up thinking that no fruit or
vegetables had a fixed price at the
market................everything was negotiable
through haggling

- you were as tall as your grandmother by the
age of seven

- you never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any
Friday but instead had Bacala.

- you thought that Catholicism was the only
religion in the world


- you were hit at least once with a wooden spoon

- you thought every meal had to be eaten with a
hunk of bread in your other hand


- you can understand Italian but you can't speak it

- you have at least one ancestor who was a cop, mobster or
baker!!!

- all of your uncles fought in a world war

- you have at least six male relatives named
Tony, Nickie, Joey, Frankie, Mikie, and Johnny-boy

- you drank wine before you were a teenager

- your yard didn't have a patch of dirt that
didn't have either a flower or tomato/parsley/basil/
squash/pepper/eggplant growing on it

- your grandparent's furniture was as
comfortable as sitting on sandpaper

- you thought that speaking loud was normal

- you thought that cookie cakes, sugared almonds and the
tarantella were all common at all weddings

- your mother was overly protective of the males in the
family no matter how old they were Oh God yes!

- every lunch meat you ate as a kid ended in a vowel

- you know what lemon ice is

- you know what real "black" coffee is

- you always had chocolate and nuts with the
fruit course at dinner

- everything tastes good with parmigiano

- you had coffee with lots of milk (latte cafe)
for breakfast by the time you were three years old

- left over cold spaghetti is one of the major
food groups


- air conditioning was sitting on the fire
escape or going up on the roof on hot nights

- any adult could yell at you if you got out of
line

- you only ate fried eels and bacala on
Christmas Eve

-Your mom's favorite hobby is cleaning. No, but my nonna's is


- cookouts always had at least one tray of
baked macaroni


- you thought that "fat", "little", skinny",
"tall", "black", "bald", "baby", "big-nose",
"cock-eyed" were actually part of peoples given names

Sooooo ridiculously busy.......oi. vay.

http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSTRE53506120090406

Scary!

My family members are okay, as many of them reside in Rome....but so many families are not okay. Many medieval towns are leveled in that area.

It's sad. Prayers are appreciated.

Hey guys! Stefani from bella-photography.net is giving away a free photo session every month for the entire year of 2009. Check it out at her blog! Don’t forget to comment for your chance to win too!

Girls night tonight! I'm so excited! I can't wait to see Zoe and just yay!

Birthdays always loose excitement as time goes on. At 16 I could legally drive, at 18 I could enlist in the army, buy porn or cigarettes, at 21 I could legally drink.

But what is good or even exciting about 24? Nadda that's what. It's a boring one.

I have no idea what I want for my birthday or what I'd like to do. I think a quiet gathering of friends would be good, and maybe a quiet dinner with kevin somewhere...I think I have a buy one get one free for Texas de Brazil.

I really like birthdays, especially after my dad died. I like to celebrate because I'm here, I'm healthy, and for the time being I'm alive. Life is so short, it really is. Time goes by quickly and we never know when we'll die or have our health taken from us. Even the boring birthdays remind me to be thankful that I'm still here.

"The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed**."
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them

**note that this is not the top 100 books of all time

( Read more... )

Bored Meme...

Favorite food: White Cheddar popcorn, suppli

Favorite movie: at the moment...Little women

Favorite TV show: Army Wives, I'm hooked.

Favorite dish: eggplant parmesan! Yum!

Favorite person: My husband!

Favorite hang out: My big overstuffed chair in the living room + a glass of cold tea= awesomeness

Favorite game: Scala Quarante...it's an italian card game...

Favorite time of day: Late morning on sunday when I'm not in church

Favorite season: Fall...though Texas doesn't have one.

I've never really liked them. I think they look unnatural if they are done wrong but I'm going to have to do it! I can't grow my own nails...I bite them too much.

1. Pick 10 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search functions. (Because cheaters never prosper)


1."Feminine weaknesses and fainting spells are the direct result of our confining young girls to the house, bent over their needlework, and restrictive corsets. "from Little Women(Kat)

2."All women have a garden, and a garden needs a big hose to water it... or a small hose... as long as it works. " from Now and Then (fitjourney)

3."You take a look at her. Cause once you step on that bus you aint got your mama no more. You got your brothers on the team and you got your daddy. You know who your daddy is, doncha? Gary, if you want to play on this football team, you answer me when I ask you who is your daddy? Who's your daddy, Gary? Who's your daddy?" from Remember the Titans (fitjourney)

4.Nobody got this one but its from Bed of Roses "Every now and then everybody is entitled to too much perfection."

5."I was born jaundiced. Once I sat on a toilet seat at a truck stop and caught hemorrhoids. And I've learned to live with this chicken bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years. So I knew Dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction." From My Girl (Katherine)

6.Nobody guessed this one either but it's from Sister Act "Oh, really? From what I here, your singing career was almost non-existant, and your married lover wants you dead. God has brought you here. Take the hint. "

7."Sure you did. You always do. You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't. To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want." from Mona Lisa Smile (Kat)

8. "You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble someday "from The Princess Bride (Cassie)

9. "Things go wrong. You can't explain it, you can't predict it. Killing yourself wo'nt bring your dad back. I'm sorry that he died, but that was a long time ago. You gotta move on. Stop living in the past, and look what you got right in front of you." from Twister (Erin)

10."So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out." from The Notebook (newsong, Erin)

I don't know why haircuts excite me but I have long bangs now! and they loooook cute. I'll post a pic once I've uploaded one. We took the cutest one of kev and I before heading out to a nice dinner at RMG.

My mom happens to be in NYC this weekend and so we were told to take care of nonna. Of course that meant doing whatever she needed...and today she wanted us to plant some azaleas in her backyard!

So as I'm driving up I see her opening her garage...this little 82 year old italian who speaks horrible english....and I blink...not believing what I see...

My God! HER HAIR IS BLUE?!

Of course I didn't have the heart to tell her.

But man, what a funny lady.

Okay I have to brag on my husband.

He got up before 6am, went to a class, then to personal training, then came home and did the dishes from the night before and the laundry I had started....all BEFORE heading off to work. He's insane and he's allllllllll mine.

I really hate it when people who are not actively studying the body think they know what they are talking about.

BAH! Don't people understand that poor glucose tolerance is almost always related to insulin problems (whether diabetes, insulin resistance....etc) because insulin in the hormone that triggers a reaction within the cell to open the gates for the glucose so that it can enter and go through the many stages to eventually make ATP. Hence if your insulin is off, your blood sugar levels will be too and vice versa. Good God people, read a book! Take a class! Don't just repeat what you've heard on the news! Or what you've heard other people say.

And with that said, I'm off to study biochemistry.

Hey guys who went to colleyville...

remember Jamie Tarbush? She goes by Jamie Alexander now and is the newest lead in the tv show Kyle XY. She's Jessie XX or whatever they call her.

Anyways...thought that was odd to know someone famous.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1526352/

***************************

Is it sad that getting a new stove and getting my carpet cleaned excites me!?

School starts back up soon. Hopefully I can keep up my 4.0. Actually what I'm nervous about is the entrance test for the last two years of nursing.

Takin a break from A and P II:


Whats your favorite movie?: mmm tough one, Chocolat, Divine secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood, Now and Then, Little women, Remember the Titans,

Whats your favorite food?: Big suprise....Pasta. Actually I'm a big fan of stews....beef stew, veggie stew especially,

Favorite wine? Mondavi D'asti, the sweetest white wine I've found but lovely

Favorite cheese? San Jaquin I think it's called. It's from mexico. It's good for cooking...taste like parmesan but more nutty and buttery

Favorite memory?: Too many. Probably the day I got married rates high, other than that, times from when erin, patrick and I went to italy together.

Favorite quote?: a lesson I had to learn came from a quote from a good friend and I try to remember it "never talk about someone more than you pray for them."

Favorite book?: Probably Redeeming Love, The Red tent, Phantastes, Little Women, Catcher in the Rye

Favorite music?: anything from the 30/40/50's. Old blue eyes is a favorite, but dean martin is right up there. Michael Buble, and anything along the lines of christian rock.

Favorite scent?: Dolce and Gabana's light blue which mom buys for me anytime she's in Rome (much cheaper there then here)...and anything from victoria secret


Favorite item of clothing?(no baby blankets don't count): okay so since apparently baby blankets don't count....it's probably the michigan sweatshirt my dad gave me. It's nice and worn in, and since he's gone, it just reminds me of him.

And that was too long and took too much time, but hey, I got a break.

Yesterday was our anniversary. Two years.

It's been a pretty wild ride, but I'm so lucky and blessed to have kevin.

:-)

My immune system is officially shutting down on me.....but I have antibiotics and tylenol...so I'll be okay.

Happy birthday to my love kevin!

YAY. kevin got the job at gateway. He will officially be working for our church. Get this...not only that but the HR lady said that I should send over my resume after hearing I'd lost my job b/c they need someone in children's ministries to do office stuff.

Hurrah!

I think the word sphincter is funny...and that's when I know I've studied too much bio and need sleep.

There is one thing that peeves me more than anything. It's when I tell people I'm 22years old and they say "oh you're just a baby." People at our life group say that, a girl at school said that yesterday.

Yes, I'm young. But I feel like I have lived a thousand lifetimes. I've taken care of and lost a loved one, I've cleaned up throwup in the middle of the night (I don't even have kids yet), I've witnessed chemo and surgeries, I've loved and let go, I've loved and held on.

Actually I think I've been through more in these last 5years than anyone has in their last ten. And truly I feel tired, not physically, but mentally. I guess I'm still recovering from my dad's illness.

You can never truly know what heartache is until you see a loved one suffer so much and know you cannot do anything to help it. You have never suffered until you have unselfishly sacrificed living your life to take care of someone you love, and you will never know true sadness until you look into a man's eyes knowing that he wishes his body could work, but is unable to make it do what he needs it to. And you will never truly understand yourself until you have to make a decision for someone that is life or death. I could say I'm proud of myself...that I didn't choose to put him in a nursing home and took the higher road of self sacrifice...but I'm not. It is what everyone should do. But for now I think at 22 I can say I've experienced enough life and I hope the next twenty years are much quieter than the last five have been. Here's hoping.

Movie wishlist:

-Mozart and the Whale
-Coyote Ugly
-One knight with the King
-Steal magnolias (on Dvd, I have the Video)

I'm posting alot because friday is my day off...but anywho.

GO. SEE. Mozart and the Whale. It has Josh Harnett in it. It's about two people who fall in love who both have a form of autism called asberger's. There are very few movies that I can stand anymore. Most of them attempt to shock and awe us with sexy scenes, wild cinematography, etc etc, but have no plot or heart. This movie is just.....real. Real and heart warming.....and really....good.

Next on the list is to see Marilyn Hotchkiss' Ballroom dancing and charm school which has people like john goodman and danny devito. I enjoy the smaller independents that actually have meaning, versus something that's just trying to shock me, scare me, etc.